Joke

[Leonard]

JAW emailed this to me and it's too good not to post:

The Pope took a couple of days off to visit the rugged mountains of Alaska for some sightseeing. He was cruising along the campground in the Pope Mobile when there was a frantic commotion just at the edge of the woods. A helpless democrat, wearing sandals, shorts, a 'Vote for Obama' hat and a 'Save the Trees' T-shirt, was screaming while struggling frantically and thrashing around trying to free himself from the grasp of a 10-foot grizzly.

As the Pope watched in horror, a group of republican loggers with 'Go Sarah' T-Shirts came racing up. One quickly fired a 44 magnum into the Bear's chest.. The other two reached up and pulled the bleeding, semiconscious democrat from the Bear's grasp. Then using long clubs, the three loggers finished off the bear and two of them threw it onto the bed of their truck while the other tenderly placed the injured democrat in the back seat.

As they prepared to leave, the Pope summoned them to come over. 'I give you my blessing for your brave actions!' he told them. 'I heard there was a bitter hatred between republican loggers and democratic environmental activists, but now I've seen with my own eyes that this is not true.'

As the Pope drove off, one logger asked his buddies 'Who was that guy?'

'It was the Pope,' another replied. 'He's in direct contact with Heaven and has access to all wisdom.'

'Well, the logger said, 'he may have access to all wisdom, but he doesn't know nothing about bear hunting! By the way, is the bait still alive, or do we need to go back to California and get another one"?

[gremlin]

dang now i got to clean my screen off. darn coffee every ware.

[Leonard]

Here's another one that was really appropriate for me anyway.

A real woman is a man's best friend. She will never stand him up and never let him down. She will reassure him when he feels insecure and comfort him after a bad day. She will inspire him to do things he never thought he could do; to live without fear and forget regret. She will enable him to express his deepest emotions and give in to his most intimate desires. She will make sure he always feels as though he's the most handsome man in the room and will enable him to be the most confident, sexy, seductive and invincible...
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.....Dam it.....


No wait... Sorry..

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I'm thinking of whiskey.

It’s whiskey that does all that shit.

Never mind

[russau]

well Leonard, that one got my ole belly jiggeling!

[russau]

WELL! its snowing outside!!! i gotta do something! may as well watch these jokes to make the day go by! who knows! Santa may have something for this ole boy under the tree! well my wife needed a place to put the bills for Christmass! it may as well been under the tree!

[russau]

HMMMMM?? no more jokes?? well maybe we could all gather around the fire and sing cum-by-ya together?? ill start of and you guys follow! ok here i go,.............................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................. wow that was great! want another? any suggestions?? opppps we better not go there!

[russau]

as you can tell, cabin fever has me! heck right now id even go dredgeing in the snow, with a one horse open sleigh! down the hill i go,screaming all the way!

[russau]

SAVE ME LEONARD!

[Leonard]

I just poured a shot and opened a beer. After a couple more shots I'll be in a real christmas mood.
Leonard

[Gold Seeker]

Ok I got one for ya'll, now if you heard this one before just tell me to stop!!

There was this atheist walking in the wilderness and as he was walking he saw a waterfall and he exclaimed "What a beautiful waterfall!!", then he saw a mountain and he exclaimed "What a glorious mountain!!", then he saw a old growth tree that was 4' in diameter and he exclaimed "What a magnificent tree!!", just about that time he heard a noise behind him, he turned and looked and about 50' behind him was the BIGGEST GRIZZLY BEAR he had ever seen, he started running as fast as he could and as he was running he looked back and the grizzly was getting closer, he ran even faster and again looked back and the grizzly was even closer still, he ran for his life even faster than before and as he looked back to see how close the grizzly was he tripped over a fallen tree and fell, he rolled over and the grizzly was right over him roaring and ready to swing it's very large paws with razor sharp claws down upon him, the atheist cried "OOOH GOD!!!" at that instance a beam of light from heaven fell upon him, the grizzly froze with it claws only a few inches away from the atheist's face, a booming voice rang down from the heavens above and said, "how dare you call out my name!!!, after all these years you have always denied my existence, and you have attributed all I have created to evolution, and yet you expect me to help you in your greatest time of need!!!, WHY SHOULD I HELP YOU???", the atheist said, "God your right, I don't deserve you saving me, but could you do me just one favor???", and God said "Maybe, what is the favor?", the atheist said, "God could you make the bear a Christian?", and God said "so be it", the light disappeared, the bear unfroze and stood upright and then dropped to it's knees and put his mighty paws together in prayer and said, "I thank thee heavenly father for this food I'm about to receive, AMEN"!!!!


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